There is this prevalent idea in queer spaces that our queerness should be independent from our neurodivergencies, but we experience quite the opposite phenomena. Now, we're not saying it's necessarily the case, that neurogivergencies necessarily have to influence your identity, but it's incorrect to say that neurodivergencies CAN'T influence identity, especially when talking about PERSONALITY disorders.
Disclaimer: This is our personal experience, we don't imply that ASPD and/or Autism necessarily causes someone to be aromantic, agender, loveless, asexual or aplatonic. Everyone is unique and experience these things differently.
We are an AAAAAA battery or, to be more exact, a AAAAaa battery, Autism and ASPD being equally important and a big piece of ourselves, followed by Aromanticism, then our agenderness, and then finally us being asexual and aplatonic which feel more like an afterthought than something really big and important.
Now, here is the fun part, our aromanticism and especially our lovelessness would make zero sense without also taking into account our ASPD and Autism. These two together already cause a high level of detachment from conventional society, romance is a concept completely foreign to us, it doesn't make sense. Romance just seem to us like yet another one of these social norms, one of these things people do just because other people do it too. Why are people doing these things? No idea! What makes something "romantic" or "not romantic"? No idea! Why is it supposed to be romantic? No idea!
If romance is indeed a feeling then we don't have it, we never experienced it, and we sure don't want anything we do to be labeled as romantic. We also can't deny the high probability that we lack the feeling associated with "romance" due to our general lack of attachment to people caused by our ASPD, although we also don't experience these feelings with exceptions. And we personally don't want to redefine "romance", this word has forever been tainted with things we don't want to associate with, even if we have trouble grasping whatever it's supposed to mean to begin with.
Romance means something to other people, but to us it means nothing, and completely falls apart under the tiniest of scrutiny, and if it means something to you then good for you, and we will acknowledge that and never invalidate you, but we don't want anything to do with it.
Our Lovelessness is mostly caused by our ASPD, and sometimes feel like it's barely caused by us being aromantic. "You're aromantic but you can still love!" sound incredibly close to what is asked of ASPDers to be "accepted", things like "You have ASPD, but as long as you have empathy it's fine!", the similarity of the two in this regard is so obvious to us that it's surprising we haven't seen anyone point it out yet. Of course, the idea that we need something else to "compensate" for something we are and have no control over should be egregious enough.
Due to the combination of our ASPD and aromanticism, we don't feel love, love is a foreign concept to us. We don't love anyone, we don't love anything, and we don't need to, we don't need to have an elusive "love" for us to exist in peace, there is nothing to compensate for, nothing to replace. Part of lovelessness is the rejection of love as an universal experience, and it ties perfectly into ASPD and autism which causes us to lack MANY "universal experiences" by themselves, whats one more really? We also don't want to redefine "love", because ultimately, we don't need to, especially not to please people.
It's also the fact that we don't have to comply to absurd, meaningless standard of what people think of as "human". We lack love, and? We are very detached, and? We have no (affective) empathy, and? We have trouble caring, and? None of that make us any less "human", and especially don't make us an inherent "bad person". Lovelessness is yet another thing for us to take back control from society, fight yet another meaningless norm.
And it's a similar story for our agenderness, we don't have an internal sense of gender, and gender makes little sense to us. It often seems that gender is just gender roles and gender presentation which is a social norm, and people putting a gender on us seems like an attack, an expectation to fit a certain idea, an attempt to control and restrict us, so we completely reject gender as something applying to us ever and actively enforce this boundary. When we think about what is our gender, our only answer is "Gender doesn't apply to us"
Again, gender mean something to other people, and we will acknowledge it and never invalidate anyone's gender, but we don't want any of it associated with us.
Lastly, us being asexual is just that we don't want sex with anyone or anything or nothing, for any reason, especially not with people. Aplatonic is us not having (much) feelings associated with friendships which is related to our ASPD. They take a way smaller place in our mind compared to the other 4 As. Us being aplatonic almost just feels like a formality of "Our ASPD causes us to be aplatonic" but in our mind it's still just our ASPD.